Have you ever known what it was like to be a dissappointment?  read that again...to be not to have....its not pretty....doesnt feel good and in no way would i ever want to experience it again.  ever had your WHOLE entire family NOT talk to you for weeks because of being a dissappointment?  the summer of my senior year was amazing...i had some beautiful pics taken....i will admit back in the day i was beautiful and thin...a bit annoying and loud (still)...i never did understand why...oh never mind...not going to go back into that again..so where was i ...oh yes...my senior year....i was stoked...i had Madrigals (musical group) ...my friends...my youth group.....looking forward to going to college (not that i really had the grades to go)  had a job...dan....what more could a girl want....hahaha i thought i was just eating alot and putting on weight...i mean teenagers do that right?  my mom asked me straight out if i was pregnant.....i was like what?!  no!  it never once crossed my mind that i would be preggo....and yes i know how babies were made just never thought it would happen to me i guess...so she takes me to the dr...where without any tests (blood, urine, ect)  tells my mom that i was about 2 months give or take...now i have made my mom cry before....but i had never heard the tone she used that day...or for the next 2 weeks really....she didnt look at me she didnt talk to me...she wouldnt answer any of my questions or reply when i tried to talk to her...i went to school came home went to work and stayed in my bedroom....my grandparents wouldnt talk to me..it was like i was an alien on another planet and didnt know the language...she finally talked to me again after the 2 weeks went by...guess she needed time to gather her thoughts and emotions...we sorta talked thru some things...gave me a few options in regards to school...(quit and get GED or stay and graduate, maybe)  i chose to quit school so no one could see my downfall and promptly got my GED (not something i really tell people).  plus i saw how the kids treated the pregnant girls in my school...no way was i going thru that as well....went to work full time at mcdonalds...where they were good to me there....just needed to think thru what was going to happen next....of course we had to sit down and talk with dan and his family....if the liked me before...they sure didnt after the news...i had no clue what i was going to do...keep the baby and be a mom or give it up for adoption...i kept thinking and thinking...couldnt stop thinking ...our next step was to tell the youth group...let me tell you THAT was one of the hardest things i ever had to do...i had always considered myself one of the "leaders"...upper crust so to say...well at least if you were new you werent going to sneak by without an introduction from me...and of course a hug...cuz i am a hugger...so anyways...we stood up in front of the youth group and asked for prayer and forgiveness....let me say that i found out who were my real friends that night...out of like 30 people....only 4 stoped by my side to pray...it was like i was the major sinner here and dan was the golden boy who did nothing wrong....really pissed me off...i think that was when i stopped walking with the lord....oh i still went to church...my mother made me so i didnt have a choice...but i did stop being so active and really didnt care anymore