Over the years I have come to realize that I am better at writing my feelings and thoughts, than I am speaking them. And since I sometimes feel like a burden trying to talk to my family or friends, this may be the next best thing for me. I hope by reading this, you will share my joys, triumphs, failures and sorrows. Really get to know Jilly....

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I was working at McDonalds at the time....I loved it there...before it was open 24 hours....And it was the new store in downtown Elyria.  Totally miss that job :)    anyways...after i left school i went to work there full time...since i really had nothing better to do.  would work any shift i could...open close mid....i really liked the closing shift.  I was able to bring home bags of sandwiches/nuggets (and i do mean bags) after it was counted.  That would explain why i gained 80lbs with my pregnancy.  I weighed 100lbs when i got pregnant....when i delivered i was over 180lbs....of course i never left the house except to go to work and church.  didnt exercise...really didnt care how i looked cuz who would want me now...the months i was pregnant were pretty much uneventful....other then the few issues dan and i had.  one time i caught him kissing my really good friend out side of church one night....just before i delivered we got into an argument at church one night and he raised his hand to hit me....i must have made a face or something becuase he didnt go thru with it, but it was enough to send me over the edge emotionally.  As a young woman having a baby, i was forever plagued with that ultimate choice....abortion, adoption or keep.   well as i DO NOT believe in abortion that only left the other 2 choices.  i had it all planned out...had the attorney, the court, the paperwork and the family.  now before you think i was cold hearted about it...believe me i was anything but cold hearted...it was not a decision i came to easily or without much reservation...dan and i used to argue about it...i dont know how many times we broke up over it...he told me we would get married once he turned 18 and we would be a family....do you know how much i longed for that....how much i wished it could be true...i waffled about the decision for about 4 months....yes no yes no....eventually after so much waffling the decision was made for me...the family i had chosen backed out cuz they could not trust me to keep my end of the bargain (cant say that i blame them, i still cant really make solid decisions).  Other than my emotional roller coaster my pregnancy was pretty normal...had morning sickness for only 7 days.  March 9th was my due date i believe...however that came and went. I ended up being induced about 2 weeks later.  I just figured he wasnt done baking in my oven.